the Push and the Pull
by theMidnight.Rainfall
Summary: Life spins in inexplicable directions. You don't understand, why would you understand, but you want to understand. Some people will do crazy things for answers when their world is falling apart. Amon/Asami.


**chapter one:** _can't give in to it_

•○•○•

She tries to pull away from the hands grasping her, keeping her restrained, but it is to no avail. Her mind is whirling a mile a minute, questions cropping up left and right. How could she let them find her? What would they do to her? Are the others safe? Amongst all this noise she registers his condescending words – she is a traitor to her kind, she will lose all respect her name has awarded her, she is not worth saving – but the way he pauses, his stare boring into her very being, tears her apart and she feels as though he's sizing her up, deducing just how much of a threat she really is. She's almost glad that his lieutenant's hands are holding onto the back of her head; it keeps her from looking away, showing any weakness at all.

Asami can't be afraid. Not in front of this man – this sick, twisted man.

"My, my, Miss Sato," the man before her chides, and this is the first time she's ever heard his voice. She's overheard people gossip about Amon's mesmerizing voice, but she never knew it was tantalizing like this, like he already knows everything about her. "you've stopped resisting. Does that mean you've given up? Or have you realized that you have erred in your ways?"

She can almost see a patronizing smirk on his face… or she would if she knew what his face looked like. The mask, however, works well enough as a base for his imaginary smirk, and she hates herself for getting so riled up by him already. She only hopes he hasn't noticed.

"I don't give up that easily," she says, glaring, and then adds, "It's just a waste of my energy if my tactics aren't working."

He chuckles, the sound reverberating throughout the quiet room. "Smart girl," he comments, pausing once more to stare at her and she thinks that he's giving her a curious look, but she isn't sure because she can't see his face. If there's one thing that bothers her the most about this situation aside from being restrained, it's that he can read her facial expressions and she can't read his.

"Let her go."

With those three words the hands on her arms and at the back of her head release their hold on her, but she's too shocked to make any move at first. When she realizes what he's done, she raises a questioning eyebrow.

"You're letting me free." It's not a question, but a fact, and skeptical as she's become, she doesn't believe for a second that there isn't a catch to this.

"Well, there's no point in keeping a fellow non-bender subdued, even if you are a traitor – it's far too early in my plans to make an example out of you," he states as though it were obvious. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registers the fact that there is a slim chance of her being killed, simply because her father is on Amon's side – a pretty easy way to ensure her father's loyalty – but that thought doesn't linger for long. She can't go five minutes thinking about her father before becoming visibly upset. Thankfully she's distracted when he adds, "It would be a waste of my men's energy."

Asami isn't sure what to make of this – it's almost as if he's mocking her – so she merely folds her arms across her chest and stares at him pointedly. She refuses to believe that this is it, that this is all he's going to do.

"Unless… there was a reason for your coming here?"

The intensity of her glower increases. Of course she has a reason for being there – to find any and every possible way to take him down. Locating one of his bases is absolute gold, though why she chose to take the rash action and shadow one of Amon's followers is beyond her. She's obviously been spending too much time with Korra lately – Asami never used to be so impulsive. She wouldn't have been caught had she gone back and told the others about the base instead of choosing to tackle it on her own. However, she was alone and assumed going to get the others would cause her to lose track of her target.

_There's no use dwelling on that now._

Asami notes that she's probably incapable of taking Amon down on her own. There are three other Equalists around her who would surely be on her as soon as she advanced towards the man. Even if she were somehow able to take them out herself, she knows there are a good number of men stationed everywhere throughout this hideout. She wouldn't be able to hold him down for long.

"How can you justify it?" she asks instead. "Taking away someone's bending… in what way is that justifiable?"

He doesn't say anything for a few moments and Asami wonders what he's thinking, what ridiculous excuse he's formulating in his head to use to validate his entire ideology. She doubts he'll be able to provide her with a reason that makes any actual sense. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with being a bender. She grows impatient quickly, but refuses to move or say a word until he's explained himself completely.

"I have been hearing your name quite often since the incident with your father," he says and she almost scoffs. What in the world does this have to do with any explanation of his motives? "More often than not, the question that arises is, 'how is it possible for she, of all people, to betray her own father in such a way?'."

She's not sure what to say to this ridiculous accusation, her mouth unconsciously slipping open. She _never_ betrayed her father! If anything, he betrayed her, supporting and ultimately funding the man who has been the center of the war in Republic City!

"What they fail to realize is that despite your misfortune as a child, you were born privileged, the same as the benders who oppress us."

"How can you…" _blame me for being rich?_ She doesn't finish her thought because she quickly realizes two things: He hasn't answered her question and has instead made a jab at her, compared her to his enemy, an enemy that couldn't possibly understand what it's like to be helpless against the misuse of the powers of nature. Without explicitly saying it, he has suggested that she could never understand his reasons even if he thoroughly explained them to her.

Asami refuses to accept this blatant insult and instinctively assesses her surroundings. She quickly sweeps her leg around to forcibly knock the guard on her right to the floor. The other two immediately bring themselves to the offensive against her, but she easily crouches low and slides away before they can touch her. The two Equalists end up shocking one another and falling on top of the third, giving Asami enough time to head towards her real target.

Amon.

_This is a stupid idea,_ she thinks and she knows that it's the truth. She assessed that much earlier, but still, she's been riled, and this is the last thing she needs after everything that's happened to her recently. She hasn't had the chance to vent. Her friends, while caring, don't completely understand and she has no other family. Fighting the enemy before her would be the only reliable solution, the only thing she can wholly trust right now.

No, Asami doesn't expect to win. Amon is years older than her and obviously more experienced and able. All she wishes to do is leave her mark, show that she is a force to be reckoned with, that she won't fall to pieces even when everything around her is falling apart. She is still strong.

She lunges at him and he easily spins aside – a predictable response to her oncoming assault. To ensure that he can't turn the fight into a quick victory, she jumps back a few steps and aligns her stance. He stands facing her and she knows he's waiting for her to make the first move. When she does, she makes certain to move carefully. Even if she knows she won't win, Asami doesn't plan on letting him take her down very easily.

He matches every strike she sends him, while she in turn does the same. A part of her registers how intriguing it is that he hasn't enlisted the help of his followers just yet – something he seems to do often to leave less work for himself, she's assumed – but then, this isn't a true battle. And it's with this realization that she slips up, he knocks her to the ground, kneels over her with an arm across her upper chest that nearly touches her neck. She's pinned.

"I don't have time to deal with a little girl throwing a tantrum."

This comment adds fire to her anger, on top of her frustration at being so easily knocked to her feet.

However, she doesn't deny what he's said.

Asami knows it's true.

She doesn't have any time to contemplate this thought as Amon roughly hits a pressure point in her neck and she hears herself gasp before…

…suddenly someone's calling her name not too far off in the distance. The voice is familiar, but she doesn't yet register who it is. She feels a wall stiff against her back and grass soft under her legs and between her fingers.

"Asami!" the voice calls again, jerking her awake. Her eyes blink open and she looks up at the boy standing over her.

"Mako…"

"Oh, you were asleep? I'm sorry," he says.

"Oh, no, it's fine, sweetie," she replies, stretching out her arms in front of her. "I don't even remember falling asleep to begin with." She doesn't remember when she even returned to Air Temple Island, but she doesn't mention that. She figures she's just had a busy day. After all, fighting Equalists will do that to a girl.

_Wait – what?_

In an instant, everything comes back to her - finding the Equalist base, sneaking in, being discovered, coming face-to-face with Amon. The memory of his voice sends a shiver down her spine, but is soon followed by the irritation that he so easily beat her. She should be able to handle him for more than five minutes.

"Are you okay?" Mako asks and she wonders if he's noticed her sudden change in mood.

"Guess I'm just a little tired from last night's Team Avatar patrol." _You liar._

Mako doesn't see through it, which almost makes her upset. But then, why would he think she'd have any reason to lie to him? She has none… so why is she?

She has no idea what she's doing anymore.

"Mako!" another voice calls as Asami stands up. _Korra,_ she notes before the girl comes into view. "Did you – oh you found her!"

"Yeah, _someone_ didn't get enough sleep last night," Mako replies jokingly.

"What can I say? Fighting Equalists must take a lot out of me," Asami jokes back, though she's certain neither of them realize how serious she is.

"Well, how about some dinner?" Korra suggests. "That's always a big help for me before I go out. I'm helping Pema make some Water Tribe grub. It's an improvised vegetarian meal, of course."

"Oh, that sounds delicious."

"Yeah, it will be if she and Bo don't eat all of it before the rest of us have a chance," Mako teases and Korra rolls her eyes with a smile.

"Not my fault if you're not quick enough, Mr. Hat Trick."

_They're not flirting, _Asami tells herself. She has no reason to be concerned over the random outburst of a seven-year-old. They aren't really known for the validity of their information. Besides, Korra's been nothing but kind, showing her hospitality. And Mako, Mako's done nothing but support her and hold her while she cries. She's just feeling down because of her father's involvement with the Equalists. That's all.

So when Mako holds out his hand for her to take, she doesn't second-guess it. All she sees is a boy she cares for who feels the same in return. She holds onto his hand tightly as they walk to dinner and enjoys the company of her friends, lets them ease away her frustrations before they take another plunge into actively patrolling Republic City. This sense of community, this sense of friendship is exactly what she needs.

Knowing that she's lied to them makes it all bittersweet.

It's all she can think about as she tosses and turns in her bed that night. Why didn't she mention it? Being the Avatar, Korra has every right to know where her foe's secret base is located. Asami should have told them everything. They wouldn't have been mad. She can barely imagine Mako getting angry with her – they have such an easy, calming relationship – let alone Korra or Bolin. Asami has no reason to lie to them.

But she did. And she doesn't understand why.

Maybe she doesn't want them to be disappointed in her mistake. Maybe she wants to preserve her first encounter with Amon. Maybe, maybe, maybe… _No._ They wouldn't be disappointed in her; her friends proved themselves to be considerate and thoughtful time and time again. And she'd never give Amon the satisfaction of knowing she's been thinking more about her first meeting with him than she should. He didn't even give her the answers she was looking for.

She sits up, realization donning her.

_He didn't, did he?_ Still, that's no reason for her to keep this from her friends. Asami just wants something she can control again. After all that's happened, it's almost as if she is no longer the one driving her life. As if she has been thrown into the backseat so suddenly she couldn't have seen it coming. It doesn't help that now she has to worry about being left behind by – _there is nothing to be worried about, Asami,_ she berates herself. _Stop being so insecure over the babbling of a child._

Even so…

She waits until it's completely silent and there isn't a soul around to question her. Everyone – save for a few guards – is asleep. Exhausted after patrolling the city, she's certain they won't wake, and even if they do, they wouldn't bother waking her. She stealthily slips past the guards, somehow managing to grab her motor scooter without being noticed. She doesn't drive it just yet, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention. She knows that there are still sentries stationed by the docks that she'll have to deal with. It's a good thing she knows how to fabricate a story. She is in no regards the best liar, but she isn't the worst either.

"I need to take a boat out to the city."

"This late?" he asks, obviously skeptical of the teenager.

"A friend called and she's going through a crisis. She needs me."

"It can't wait 'till morning?"

"Do you think I'd be out here this late if it wasn't important enough for me to go now?"

The guard huffs, but relents with, "Very well." He waits for her to lift her scooter and herself onto the small boat before joining her. Their trip towards the still brightly lit city is silent and gives Asami ample time to think up reasons as to why he needn't come with her any further than the docks of Republic City. Much to her surprise, she doesn't need any, as the man doesn't get out of the boat with her.

"How long is this going to take?" he asks.

"I…" She pauses, unsure. She can't very well tell him where she's really going, but if worse comes to worse this time, it might be better to let him know she might need help. "I'm not sure, but if I'm not back in two hours, I'll probably be spending the night."

He huffs again, and Asami gets the feeling he'll probably be leaving sooner than that. It's no bother, really. Even though she refuses to be supported by her father anymore, she still has quite a bit of money left and would easily be able to afford a night at a hotel. It'd be preferable for her to return before anyone notices her absence aside from the few guards who saw her, though she doesn't know what to expect from her impulsive adventure. She gives her escort a smile before donning her helmet and goggles and hopping on her scooter.

Asami doesn't know why she's going back alone. She should have told the others about Amon's hideout, should have told them all about what happened. She shouldn't be traipsing around this late at night to find the enemy. This is a stupid, stupid, _stupid_ idea, and she knows she's going to regret it. She ought to just drive around for half an hour, come back to the docks, and go back to Air Temple Island. Then, in the morning, she can tell her friends all about Amon's secret hiding place.

Part of her is hoping that the familiar sounds and vibrations of her scooter's engine will calm her down the way it usually does, that this excursion with tire her out and she'll _want_ to go back and sleep for as long as she can. But the majority of her knows that she's already made up her mind; she's a stubborn girl and sticks to what she decides to do, even if it turns out to be a bad idea.

Just like this will undoubtedly be.

She parks her bike next to a fence close by the entrance she used before, making sure to put a lock around it to ensure no one attempts to steal it. Pocketing the keys, she works her way to the dark alley, looking out for others around. There doesn't seem to be anyone tonight, and she attributes that to the fact that not many people are usually up and about at two in the morning, but this also makes her keep an extra eye out. She doesn't want to be caught so easily this time.

Silently making her way through the alleyway, she reaches the door and looks over her shoulder before opening it and slipping inside. There is another door to her immediate right and upward stairs to her left, but she knows that neither of those places is where she wants to go. She moves over to the back left corner of the small room, where there is a small square of loose metal in the floor. It is the lid to a secret passageway and she moves it out of the way as silently as she can, stepping into the dimly lit tunnel of stairs beneath it. As she walks further down, she makes sure to cover her tracks and put the lid back in place, lest the next Equalist to use the passageway discovers that someone snuck in.

When she reaches the end of the tunnel, she keeps her back against the wall and waits to make sure there isn't anyone around. Someone walks past in the hallway outside, but they don't spot her. She hurriedly, yet as silently as possible, walks down the hall, keeping sure to stay in the shadows of the warehouse. To her surprise, she finds a place to hide behind that will give her time to examine the room. It is a side support beam, surrounded by stacks of seemingly empty boxes, leading Asami to believe they've moved what was in them elsewhere. All the better to keep her enemies away.

She silently thanks herself for the fact that she always wears dark colors; they make her inconspicuous amongst the garbage and she doesn't have to worry about standing out. First she surveys her immediate surroundings. There aren't too many people on this side of the warehouse, but she does hear a few voices further off to her right. She assumes the majority of the Equalists are congregating there and decides that it should be relatively safe for her to take a peek at the other side. Keeping her back mostly to the pillar, she turns to her left and peers out at the surrounding area.

The first thing she notes is how wide the place is, the same as it was when she'd snuck in previously. However, she wasn't able to take it all in that time as she was soon discovered and apprehended. This time she approaches everything differently, keeping watch behind and around her to ensure that she isn't noticed. The second thing she takes note of is that there are two levels to this place; that was something she didn't realize before and she is fascinated by the fact that the Equalists can hide so much so easily.

_Now…where would Amon be?_

It's two in the morning, so she doubts he'd be gathering followers or rounding them up for a big pep talk… unless he has some plot scheduled for tonight. She looks back around, spots a staircase that must lead to the second floor. Her eyes follow it until –

There! She spots him, mask and all, just across the room on the second level, talking with one of his subordinates. The person in front of him nods before running off. It's then that Amon turns and looks directly at the spot Asami is standing. She quickly ducks back into her hiding spot. There is no way he could have spotted her so easily! But then, she spotted him just as quickly herself, granted he hadn't been hiding. Still, it unnerves her to think that he already knows she's here. Is she really so bad at hiding?

She takes a deep breath to calm herself, looks around, and then peeks back up at where Amon is standing. He's turned his back to her and is walking in the opposite direction of the aforementioned Equalist, and only stops when he reaches a particular door. He enters, and Asami takes this as her cue to go after him. She makes certain there is no one in the immediate vicinity before slinking towards the staircase and stays low as she climbs it.

_No one is looking,_ she notes, taking in the only nearby threats, all with their backs turned to her. _It's now or never._

And so she makes her way down the metal – or is this platinum too? She can't tell – pathway, sticking close to the walls and low to the ground. Somehow - and she thanks her lucky stars for this – she makes it down to the room she saw him walk into, narrowly avoiding the eyes of an Equalist who got a bit too close for comfort.

_You've gotten this far,_ she tells herself with a calming deep breath. Her eyes glance to the right, to the left, and with no one coming or looking, she takes hold of the door handle, turns it, and slips inside of the room. She closes the door as quietly as she can, finding some comfort in the click as she locks it.

Amon is standing over a desk on the left side of the room, his back to her.

They are alone.

•○•○•

_**A/N:** So here I am, writing a multi-chaptered Amon/Asami fic. This was originally supposed to be a very long one-shot, but it got too long (as in, it's really long now and I'm not even halfway finished) so I decided to turn it into this. Let me know what you think and I'll try to update quickly! Thanks to my two fabulous betas, Anng and Savannah, for all of your help and suggestions._


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